Saturday, May 16, 2009
SATURDAY, MAY 2, 2009 POSTED IN LOVE - LOVE & SEX AS FIRST PUBLISHED IN WOMAN.CA
If your 6th sense is screaming that your spouse is cheating ask yourself if you really want to know. If you have been walking around riddled with anxiety and suspicion that your spouse has broken with tradition and is committing adultery it is no coincidence that you may be the last to know. The anxiety, pain and fear of the truth, is the only thing keeping you from being a sleuth.
When you get to the place where you can no longer manage to ignore the signs with a marital bandage it may be time to take control and get in the know. If you fear the city is talking and the neighbors all know you can be sure the Blackberry is the host of the show. The compelling desire to stay connected is fueled and supported by the technology Blackberry’s effected. The number of calls and texts most lovers send is enough to put their secret to an end.
Once you decide to turn signs into proof the following tips will turn you into super-sleuth:
Go For The Oscar: Do not tell your partner you are suspicious. If you already have – take a break and act like you believe them. They will be more likely to slip up if they don’t feel “watched".
Repeat Performance: Pay attention to patterns. Most cheating spouses meet at the same place and at the same time each week. Cheaters find it easier to create routines. It makes it easier to “get away.” From the standing Wednesday evening “Board Meeting” to the Thursday Pilates class, the “standing” excuse goes along way.
Black and White: Take written notes regarding warning signs. The patterns will appear before your very eyes. If you don’t put pen to paper you will ignore the details and it won’t seem real.
Ask The Audience or Call A Friend: If you dare, they will bare. Get ready for the truth. Everyone else always knows.
Record Keeper Catches Cheater: Check phone bills and credit card statements. The bad news and the good news is that they talk on the phone, buy one and other gifts, stay in hotels and eat out.
Spring Cleaning: Empty pockets, check wallets and search drawers. Lingerie, condoms and receipts will be there to prove they are a cheat.
Computer/Digital Spyware: Voice-activated digital recorders left in the car and spyware on computers will tell you who and where they are. The technology is evolving faster than the cheaters can run.
GPS: Get Philandering Spouse: No need to wonder where your spouse wanders. You can follow their every move and receive email notifications the second they get in their car. Your Global Positioning System will enable you to log in and follow the cheater.
Bug Cheating Spouse: FlexiSpy for Blackberry or iPhones is software you download on the Blackberry or phone and it will collect data (SMS texts, emails and telephone calls – even deleted ones) and send it to a web account you set up. Even remote listening is possible.
I Spy: Hire a Private Investigator. The last place to go if you really want to know or the first place to start to catch someone breaking your heart
Getting to the truth will save your mind so you can move forward no matter what you find. The facts and the proof that you obtain will give you the strength to determine how you want to proceed. The information is a place to start talking about what is true without anyone telling you that you have no clue. The bottom line is that everything you need to know is probably as close as the buzzing Blackberry that is vibrating in front of you.
By Deborah Mecklinger, LL.B., M.S.W, A.T.C