AS FIRST PUBLISHED ON PREMIERE DIVORCE BLOG DIVORCESALOON.COM Braveheart or Brokenheart: An Elegant Approach For Mel and Robyn Gibson

GUEST ARTICLE: Braveheart or Brokenheart: Elegant Approach for Mel and Robyn Gibson.

April 17, 2009 by admin   
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 Divorce Saloon Welcomes and thanks Deborah Mecklinger for her contribution:

If this isn’t a case of art imitating life, than what is? Mel Gibson may not be an expert in WHAT WOMEN WANT but there is no question that he will be the leading man in PAYBACK. From the Year Of Living Dangerously, Chicken on The Run, Lethal Weapon, Forever Young and Braveheart – Mel has been flying through life and his career with the Passion of Christ. Is there anything to indicate just how Mel and Robyn Gibson will co-direct their divorce?

My hunch is that after 28 years of marriage, 7 children: Thomas, 10, Milo 19, Louis 21, William 24, twins Edward and Christian 29 and Hannah, 28 and fortunes nearing a billion dollars, Mel and Robyn will do everything in their power to facilitate an ELEGANT DIVORCE. Rumor has it that both are committed to resolving their issues respectfully and expeditiously.

Perhaps Mel Gibson’s notorious roadside episode in 2006 where he was drunk, belligerent and uttered anti-Semitic remarks taught him a lesson that he will take on his divorce journey. Mel Gibson’s road rage, the media implosion it brought on and Mel’s ensuing “look in the mirror” had a seismic effect on his life, career and sense of self. Gibson said that incident forever changed him and “saved him from himself.”

Gibson toxicity, venom and addictions resulted in the actor being called to task in the public realm where he ultimately, apologized, acknowledged his “out-of-control” behavior and told the world that he was “deeply ashamed”. This was the beginning of Gibson’s sensitivity training and a real life lesson on the impact and effects of INELEGANT behavior and its consequences. This cannot be a roadside divorce demolition. Apologies won’t do undue the damage of a roadside divorce debacle You get one shot at doing the divorce right. The memories are indelibly etched in the children’s minds.

In order to ensure the health, wellbeing, and best interest of 10 year-old Thomas Gibson, and his siblings, it is critical that Mel and Robyn handle their divorce with grace and sensitivity. No doubt preserving Thomas’ time and relationship with both parents is paramount. Furthermore, the mental health of their “adult” children is best served by navigating their way through the divorce process with a sophisticated legal team that will support a respectful process and a fair and expeditious resolution.  

 

Deborah Mecklinger, LL.B., M.S.W., A.T.C.

www.walkthatalkcoaching.com

416.544.8001

 

 

 

 

Post Divorce Dating (PDD): How To Help Your Kids Plight When Looking For Mr. or Ms. Right

Why is your child not jumping for joy when they see stars in your eyes instead of tears? After months or even years of stress, sadness and loneliness - how can your child not be thrilled to see you out on a Saturday night instead of home alone reading the latest self help book on surviving divorce? If your offspring is turned off by your dating you are not alone. Your post divorce social life is a challenge to be expected when your children are asked to smile, accept or applaud the arrival of a guest they did not invite into their lives.

Your child's aversion to your new diversion may be precipitated by the following issues:

• It may be that your Post Divorce Dating (PDD) extinguishes the flame in your child's reunification fantasy - a hope and feeling many children describe as prevalent.
• Perhaps your PDD leaves your children caught in a loyalty bind or triggers a wide range of confusing emotions they cannot handle.
• From changes in your routine, to the time devoted to dating and its associated distractions, to simply feeling awkward at the thought of a parent as a sexual being - discomfort with parental courtship is common. 
• Your children may feel like they are less important to you. Their role, status and special place in your life may feel threatened.
• A new haircut or color, a fresh fragrance, a unfamiliar wardrobe, a clean shave, lost weight and a new-found mate can leave children wondering where the parent they once knew disappeared to. 
  

If PDD is part of your program consider the following beliefs and strategies to help you move forward without setting your children back:

1. Remember, your desire to date is just that - YOUR desire. Your children did not sign up for the PDD Program.
2. Your children are narcissistic and believe they are enough to meet all of your emotional needs (this is developmentally on task for children and teens).
3. Your time-sharing plan was designed for you and your EX. It was not designed for you and your new partner and your EX. They crave time with you.
4. When you decide to introduce the concept of PDD - be prepared for discomfort, resistance, anger, anxiety, sadness, curiosity, guilt, anger, ambivalence, confusion, excitement and the evolutionary cycle of the aforemetioned emotional spectrum.
5. If you have more than one child, be prepared for different reactions from each child and do not expect their emotional responses to be in synch with one and other. Be sensitive to the slowest common denominator.  
6. Be prepared for silence. If the child is not ready or closes the door to the conversation - be sensitive and follow the leader. In this case they lead. This does not mean that they have the right or power to close the door to PDD, but it is a signal to be sensitive to their involvement and integration.
7. Be prepared for questions. Brainstorm possible questions in advance to ensure that your answers are honest but age appropriate.
8. "Caveat Answeror" - BEWARE OF SHARING TOO MUCH INFORMATION (TMI). In particular, questions from teens and adult children are seductive. Remember that your child is not your confidante, therapist, friend or parent. Even your teen or adult child may not be prepared to handle many of the answers their questions provoke. Be careful and think before you respond. A rule of thumb is: don't share information about your relationship that you would not share with a 10 year old. That is probably all they can handle.
9. Take it slow. If the relationship is long-term and healthy, over time, your children will develop trust, comfort, and will come to accept your new partner. If it is not a long-term relationship you will have spared them the potential loss, pain and readjustment.
10. Once integrated, regardless as to the love connection between your children and your new partner, be sure to spend time on your own with your children, maintain traditions your kids love, don't take advantage of their generosity of spirit and desire to see you happy and check in with your children on a regular basis. 

PDD is often like serving vegetables to a young child. You believe it is good for them, but the unfamiliar taste may leave them  feeling uneasy and at times even queasy. A patient parent does not force feed, but rather, introduces the new experience slowly and respects the child's right to examine the new flavor, take small bites or try it again another time. Take wisdom and patience on your PDD ride, and you will find that in time your children will be firmly planted by your side.

For more information visit: www.walkthetalkcoaching.com